I went to the back of my closet and started to pull out the clothes I have hardly looked at in 8 months.
I put on about four different outfits trying to find the one that would be that much better than the rest. Practical, but professional!
As I thought about this new opportunity, doubt, insecurity and fear rose to the surface. Those infamous “what if” questions started plaguing my mind.
I can’t do this, can I? How? I know I did it once, but I don’t know if I can do it again. What if I can’t handle it? What if it goes south and I have to come crawling back home? What if I am not able to keep up with the demands? What if my boss isn’t pleased with my performance?
The new opportunity seemed to lay under the wet blanket of those “what ifs”. My friends and family say I can do it, and that id do fine, great, and amazing…
So, the day came, I felt like I had taken one step on the field… Then, the hard part came…
He asked. “What are your fears”
I paused …then answered…
“That I will be ripped to shreds”
“I won’t do that”
I almost cried because the thought of stepping back into the same “game”. That “game” tore my heart wide open. Thinking of going back in seems inconceivable.
Part of me wanted to run in the other direction. I wanted to stand up and yell, “You don’t understand. I just can’t do it again”.
I felt destroyed when I walked away and now I’m staring the same opportunity in the face.
The wounds have skin covering the cuts to my heart, but it is still so sensitive. The mention of a few words, or a few people, or situations leave me with knots in my stomach…
I decide to take a deep breathe… I tell myself I need to be brave…
The fact is I am not destroyed.
The fact is God is not finished with me yet.
The fact is I am not in charge of the outcome.
The fact is… I can’t, but with Christ, I can.
He is the one who has gifted me and He wants to use those gift, but I cannot let fear dictate my decisions. I cannot shrink back… God deserves my everything, my life, my all. That includes the broken pieces and sensitive wound
He didn’t hold back or self protect from me. I cannot do that to Him.
I’ve got to step out knowing He is a God who was the one who caught me when I fell. He was the one who carried me to my healing. He is the one who entered my broken world to show me that He never leaves me. He can handle my brokenness because He himself was broken for me. He is trustworthy, and because of Him I can trust again.
So my friends, if you’re starring that “thing” in the face. If you’re starring the car in the face that nearly took your life, or the one of a friend. If you’re starting a similar situation where you were left devastated or depleted. Or, you’re facing a broken relationship or whatever you are facing…
Know this, to overcome these hurdles, we’ve got to open up those closed closet doors. We need to pull our jersey back out and one arm at a time, one leg at a time, one step at a time get back in the game. If the tears come… let them fall.. there is no shame in broken pieces it’s a part of life.
God is bigger than our deepest wounds. He has gifted you in unique ways. It is often in those gifting that the enemy tries to destroy us because he wants us to quit.
It’s hard, but we’ve got to tell our fears to shove it, and let God’s love to fill the spots of panic.
My friends, we can’t, but God can… Don’t quit… Don’t let fear hold you back anymore. You cannot truly live when you’re held back by fear. Fear is like a balling around a ball and chain around your ankle. Keeping you from the heights God wants you to soar.
Live fearlessly knowing you’re loved unconditionally
Nothing can tamper with Gods love for you. Through it all, God is with us. He is the one in the stands cheering you on as you step back on that field. He’s rooting for you and He’s rooting for me…
With Christ, our can’t is changed to can!
